Seriously.
I'm not joking.
I bet you're thinking, 'Come on, it's just eye contact, it won't kill you,' while we're looking at our feet and silently plotting a way to get out of the horrendously horrible awkward position that we've put ourselves in. We don't do eye contact.
You know how people on the lower-functioning end of autism scale have problems with eye contact because it makes them uncomfortable? Well, just because Aspergers is on the higher-functioning end of that scale, that doesn't mean it's any easier for us! In fact, it's really hard, and because it's so hard for us, it's even harder to show guys that we like them because we feel so uncomfortable with it.
It was a nightmare when we were kids and we were told by our parents and our teachers to look at them while they were talking to us. I know that I've learned the hard way what is considered rude staring and what is considered proper eye contact because of those moments. Long periods of maintaining eye contact is horribly awkward and weird and every other single synonym that you can think of!
What's most terrifying about it is the question that every Aspergers girl wants to know the answer to... How long is too long? We. Don't. Know.
One of the things that you learn as you grow up is how often you should make eye contact during a conversation, but for us, we never seem to learn it or get the hang of it. We usually avoid it altogether to save ourselves the trouble. The interesting thing, however, is that when we do have conversations where we make eye contact, whenever we're recounting an event or part of a movie or story, we have to look away in order to remember because we have what is called a "filmographic memory". I only just came across this term recently, but it explained so much about why I can recall details that other people can't.
Whenever I read a book, it doesn't matter what kind it is, I see it as a film in my head. That's one of the reasons why I like to see the movies first and then read the books, because it's very easy for me to trans-position the actors into the story as I read it, and it makes it come to life even more. My brain works like a film editor's studio and puts everything together in one piece. After seeing something just once, all I need is the audio to enjoy it all over again! I can see it in vivid detail in my mind and enjoy it just as if I was watching it! This kind of memory proves to me that eye contact is overrated. It also made me realized that I'm pretty darn lucky that I have a brain that works this way!
My brain works like Sherlock's mind palace! Give me a keyword and I'll find it! And what's even more unique, is that my mind palace isn't a palace...it's a CinemaPlex!! How many people can say that? Everything I've ever read is recorded in movies in my head and that is freakin' awesome!
So, back to the subject at hand. Eye contact. I don't like it. Other Aspergers girls don't like it. We do it when necessary, but do not be offended if we don't! It's HARD for us! (please note the all capitals) We love you, even if you can't see it in our eyes, and we try to show it many other ways.
Eye contact...let's say...maybe?
We'll let you know.
Great post!
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