On Socializing, In General

Socializing.

As a girl with Asperger's, I can tell you that that word terrifies me.  Not kidding. It's like this word that when I hear it, I go, "What? Where? Whowhywhenhow?" ...and then go and hide behind my laptop, under the pretense that I'm checking Facebook for the location of the event and then Google Maps for how far it is, so I'll know when to go.

Conveniently, it'll be just a bit too far away for me to justify going.

"Oh, look at that! It'll cost me..."  (pulls out calculator)  "At least fifteen dollars in gas, and I can't afford that!  Looks like I'll have to stay home.  Bummer."

Pretend to mope for a bit and then pull up Netflix, YouTube, Facebook, Tumblr, Fan Fiction, DeviantArt and Pinterest all in separate tabs on my laptop and start cackling like a mad scientist inside my mind.  Because, you love having the excuse to stay in and see what your online family is up to!  For an Aspie girl, these groups are wonderful!

For me, this is how it breaks down:

Netflix = The friend who will binge watch anything with you, no matter what.
YouTube = The friend who's mind is just as scattered as yours, taking you from talking about kittens to satirical rants to Superwholock videos without batting an eye or judging you.
Facebook = The friend who knows everything about all of your other friends.
Tumblr = The friend who knows your darkest secrets and obsessions.
Fan Fiction  = The friend that you bounce all of your ideas off of, and they think they're all great! (even the insanely stupid ones)
Deviant Art = All of your friends that are the misunderstood artists that you totally envy for their amazing drawing skills...even though you know you're just as good, but you don't have the time or the money to spend on all the art supplies that you'd need.
Pinterest = All of your knitting, sewing, cooking, and srapbooking friends.

So, you see where I'm going with all of this?  Life becomes...sectioned out.  You have the real world, which is a jumbled mess of knots and connections, which you deal with when you have to.  And then you have your safe havens online, which help to keep you from going insane from all of the socializing that you have to do out in the RW. (Real World, in case you're having trouble keeping up)

When you do socialize, in conversations people are talking about things and you're just sort of...

...Feeling awkward.  Unlike at home, where you just interrupt, you don't know how to join into a conversation without ruining the social persona that you're wearing, so you just sort of say nothing and just watch and listen in on a lot of conversations, so you know what's going on more so than other people most of the time.  But, since you're not a gossip, no one knows that you know.

Just because you're brutally honest doesn't mean you don't know how to keep a secret.

You'll stick around for events, but then you end up feeling drained.  Again.

So, you go home and then set about recharging.  Not with food or sleep.  But with your online friends who know you better than anyone.  The ones that you talk to through comment logs and by liking each others posts and favoriting each others stories.

It's probably not the healthiest way to socialize, but hey...it works for you.

So, despite how girls on the Asperger's spectrum can seem to be social butterflies, we're more like social cheetahs.  Good for high energy on short bursts, with a lot of down time afterwards.  We're not being rude, we're just being ourselves, so don't take offense if we need to be alone after we've been with everyone else.

We still love you.

We just can't be around you, right now.

*sending smiles from a distance*